I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
