did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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