I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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