I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
