Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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