New low: just hacked my moms facebook
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
