if only i could text you this smell
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
