Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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