we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
