Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
