turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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