YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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