im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
