shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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