I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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