you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
