I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
