I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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