my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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