can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
