Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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