I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
false alarm, still single
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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