My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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