At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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