your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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