my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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