absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
