i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Less talking, more tequila
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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