I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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