proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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