my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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