hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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