that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am mentally ready for anal.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
