Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
