Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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