can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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