i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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