I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
