So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
