My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
