Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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