All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
