My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
