i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
