are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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