oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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