I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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