My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
