Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
