Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
