She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
