One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
