Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
