Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
