i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
