Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
