Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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