In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
