I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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