I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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