I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
why is half of my head shaved?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
