Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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