I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
