YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
