in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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