You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
