He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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