Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
