I'm going to jail i love you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
