Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize